Happy (Canadian) Thanksgiving to Everyone! We had dinner yesterday (Sunday) and invited a few people, like us, who don't have any family connections in town. We had a great time with John, Elizabeth and Kathleen.

We are enjoying the day off. I'll join Jan and the boys in a few minutes - they're in the rec room playing video games. I can hear them as Mark tries a new game.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

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2Samuel 11:1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.*

This week we continue our frame-by-frame inquiry into the train wreck of David’s affair. We read that David’s army "destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah." The enemies of the nation were being subdued. The promises given to Moses and Joshua about conquering the land were being fulfilled. Life was treating David well.

On the surface, it was great, but at a deeper level I think David was struggling with significance. "They destroyed the Ammonites..." They did. Not David. The mighty warrior was promoted out of the action.

Let me explain something about us as men. Its hard for us to sit on the sidelines. We want to be involved. We want to be where the action is. We feel useful when we contribute to a worthy cause. We feel useless when there is nothing important for us to do. We feel alive when we make a difference, and we feel dead when there is nothing to do but sit around. We want to be part of something significant. The bigger the cause and the more risk, the more we feel alive. Ask any man who’s been in battle or on a mission trip, and they’ll tell you they never felt more alive.

Even as I write this, I struggle to describe it all because its hard to put into words. Its more something we sense deep inside. I don’t know if many of us could even identify it. But I know its there, and I see it in other men. Why is it hard to get men to go to church, but 40 or 50 gather every week at the fire hall? There’s action and significance at the fire hall. At church just about all that most men feel comfortable doing is to collect the offering and take part in the yearly trustees painting day. (We need to change the way we look at church to make it more significant for men - would it help our men feel more important if they knew they were pounding on the gates of hell every time they told a friend about Jesus? What if we renamed Sunday school, Boot Camp?)

David found himself looking on, albeit for a good reason - he was too important to lose in battle. But he was still looking on. Feeling insignificant. Unimportant. Useless.

A man who feels insignificant is dangerous to himself and to others. Some slip into risky behaviour in order to replace the rush of an important challenge. Others slip into depression and despair.

I'm not Mr. Risk. I tend to fall on the depression side of the issue. It affects my motivation level. When I feel like I’m accomplishing something and doing something important, its easy to get up early in the morning and keep going until bed time. But there are times when I wonder what I’m accomplishing, and motivation is hard to muster. Life looks dark. Temptations I thought were beaten look like attractive diversions.

David tipped over to the risky behaviour side of the issue. He was used to the rush and without it he was drawn to new dangers like deer to apples.

My step-father, Ivan, used to work on the trains for CN. He once told me that a frozen snowmobile track at the right place can derail a train. What is the ice on our tracks?

- - - - Signs of plateaued career path or "side-ways promotion"

- - - - loss of a job

- - - - retirement

- - - - promotion out of the action

- - - - completion of a time-consuming project

- - - - growing sense of "is this all there is?"

- - - - no sense of legacy, what will live on after I’m gone

- - - - criticism about the things we feel are important

- - - - health difficulties

Whatever affects our sense of significance changes the stability level in our souls. When we feel we are not important, we are at risk of derailing.

A lot of women read the letter. You can help your men feel significant. Your words can either build him up or tear him down. Praise him and watch him shine. Criticize him and watch him shrink. You have incredible power over how he feels about himself.

I’m always interested in your feedback. Hope this helps. Be On Fire.

Troy

ON FIRE is a weekly letter of encouragement by Troy Dennis. This letter published Oct 10, 2005. www.onfireletter.com