Hi Folks:

I hope your summer is going well. We're getting ready to go on vacation for a few weeks, so after Sunday there won't be an OnFire for a few weeks. We're ready for vacation, but still have a lot to do.

OnFire is late this week because I've been pretty busy. We had a youth mission team from Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship church here to help us out with a mission project of our own. We've been painting the house next to the church for the lady who lives there. In the past she has experienced psychological difficulties and has little financial means. We thought it might help her out to paint her house and replace some windows, so that's what we've been up to over the last week or so. We scraped last week, and started painting. Like all projects this one has expanded, but as one of our church members said, "In for a penny, in for a pound." We are about 2/3 done on the first coat of paint, and the change is remarkable. Included is the before picture (after scraping). When we have the "after," I'll include it.

While the team was here we also helped a man from our church move. His new place will be much more suitable. God's timing in providing the team and opening our schedule unexpectedly was great.

Ian is at Christian camp this week, Camp Jordan - a Narnia themed-camp this week. We'll find out in a few days how things are going. I'd like to say that things have been quiet without him, but I've hardly been home to know.

My grandfather on my father's side has been in the hospital on PEI. This week he successfully underwent the balloon and stent procedure. However, please keep him and my grandmother in your prayers.

It rained overnight, giving me a little break from painting to write OnFire.

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Psalm 17:2 "May my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right."*

"I'll show him." How many times have each one of us said this, or
something like it? Maybe we didn't use those words, but the effect was the same. "I'll show her." "Just you wait and see...."

This is what I'm thinking about as I read these words from Psalm 17. To "vindicate" means to defend, to justify, to show to be right, to clear of blame or accusation. We've all been wrongly accused of doing something. We've all been misunderstood, and we say to ourselves, "I don't know how I'll do it, but I'll show them..."

I remember a trip our high school band took to British Columbia in 1985. I walked into the school one morning with my billet and wondered why I kept hearing the word "Narc" behind my back. We were at a dance the night before. Someone started a rumour that someone else got caught with drugs, and the rumour spun out of control until a friend and I were attributed with "narcing" on them, of turning them in.

A band meeting settled the matter and life continued. However, some accusations stick with us and we carry them longer. "Slow." "Lazy." "Stupid." "Undisciplined." "Crazy." "You'll never get it right." "Mess-up." "Worthless."

Some people become the very things they were labelled with. That's sad. Children are especially vulnerable to our words and opinions of them, but adults are not immune. I think about a couple I know who started an affair after rumours went around that they were having an affair.

There are other people, however, who take these accusations in the other direction. The result of this is drivenness. We're not talking about motivation at this point. We're talking life force. Its as if they need to
prove themselves to the people who accused them. They no longer hear the voices of accusation, but they don't need to - the voices are part of their spirits.

Even as Christians we can be driven to perform, for vindication. "I'll show them..." "You thought I couldn't do it - I showed you." Just because we're Christians doesn't always take this away.

How much energy does it take to keep this up? How much time does it take away from more important things? How much does it distract us from understanding that God loves us and we don't need to prove that to anyone?

I remember going to my 10 year high school reunion. I went with the idea of "showing them." I had my education, was a pastor, by all accounts successful. But more importantly, I was skinny, after spending the first 20 years of my life as "oversize." That's 11 years ago. Looking back on it, the funny thing was that it wasn't important to the people who were really my friends, and the others didn't remember me anyway. Seems silly now, but it consumed me for quite a long time.

We can waste a lot of time, productivity, and creativity worrying about "showing them" - really about seeking vindication. The truth is that any vindication we need will come from God. We need just to leave that to him, and get to the things that really matter to him.

Hope this helps. Be OnFire.

Troy

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This letter originally published July 13, 2006

*All scripture references from the New International Version